is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
