wakey wakey hands off snakey
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
