I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
