This dress was meant to end up on your floor
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
