but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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