got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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