I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
