we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
