I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Enjoy the penises
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
