hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
