Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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