I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
