a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
