JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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