The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
