just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Randomize
