after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
