WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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