mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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