she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
