The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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