Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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