dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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