Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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