SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
