Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
