i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
