dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
