i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Randomize
