your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Randomize
