There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
