Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
