What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
