i just wanna soil my oats bro
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Randomize
