he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
