weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
