How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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