What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
