I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
