I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
