I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
NoShamevember. You game?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
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