Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
