Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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