And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Randomize
