All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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