so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
