The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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