dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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