If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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