It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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